Monday, September 19, 2011

Guy Advice On Healing A Relationship

If you're struggling to keep your relationship with your wife or girlfriend from falling apart you will need guy advice on healing a relationship. You may want to talk to your buddies, but the truth is they probably don't know any more than you do. Instead read this article for some good advice on repairing your broken relationship.

There are two phrases that should be the building blocks to repairing your relationship: "I'm sorry" and/or "I was wrong". Neither one will mean a thing if they aren't sincere. The first thing you have to do to heal your relationship is to be a man and own up to your part in the problems.

Many men seem to think that apologizing is a sign of weakness. Actually nothing could be further from the truth. If you think about it, one of the hardest things you will ever do is to admit you were wrong and that you caused someone else's pain, especially someone you love. That is a hard thing to do. So apologizing isn't a sign of weakness, it's actually a sign of being a man and being strong.

In some ways it might seem easier to just bury your feelings and don't admit that you were wrong or that you are in pain. Again, a very 'manly' thing to do. But is it? While that might be the first thing many men will do, it's not the easiest in the long run. If you bury those feelings you will never truly be free of them. They will jump up and haunt you when you least expect it. No matter how painful it is you need to face them and get over them once and for all. That's the only real way you can have peace for the rest of your life.

So if you want to heal your relationship you need to honestly access your part in the breakdown of the relationship. Were you inattentive, did you take your wife for granted, did you stop making her feel special and loved?

There's a seen in the movie "The Breakup" where Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn are fighting. She had just put in a long day at work and hosted a dinner party and wanted his help to clean up. She said to him " I want you to want to do the dishes" and, of course, his response was "Why would I want to help you do the dishes"? A valid question. Sort of.

I doubt that character really thought she wanted him to want to do the dishes. What she really wanted was for him to understand that she was tired and wanted to relax too. She wanted him to show his appreciation of all she does by helping her and taking some of the burden off of her shoulders.

Are you guilty of pretending to be 'stupid'. Pretending like you don't really know what your wife wants? Many men fall into that trap, just like in the movie. They know what their wife is trying to say, they just choose to pretend like they don't because it seems easier than actually helping. It's selfish. And it will lead to long term problems. This all goes back to what I was talking about above: making your wife feel appreciated.

The good news is that if you've made some mistakes in the past you can change and become a better man. You can become the kind of man that you can be proud of and that she can love and respect. Use this guy advice on healing a relationship as a starting point and you can not only save your relationship but improve it too as T.W. Jackson explains in the Magic Of Making Up System and You Can Click Here To Check It Out!

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Don't Let It End Stop My Divorce

If you are going through that terrible time when your love feels like it is coming to an end and you find yourself pleading, "Someone, please stop my divorce!" you aren't alone. There are many who have gone through it and saved their marriage and plenty who didn't but found themselves happy again afterward. There are things that you can do to help stop a divorce or correct problems before they get to that point.

First realize, though, that as much as you may want to save your relationship you may not be able to. Make sure that you prepare yourself mentally for any possible outcome. This isn't thinking pessimistically, it is being realistic which is what you need to be.

Make use of family therapy or seek out marriage counselors. They have been well trained and have lots of experience helping people go through these times. Even if there is adultery involved, they will be able to help. Many marriages have been brought back from the edge because of counseling and therapy. They are accustomed to dealing with infidelity between spouses, depression, or any other things that stress a relationship to the point of divorce. Marriage counseling doesn't have to be expensive, there are plenty of good choices for you to use to get good relationship advice before you see a divorce lawyer.

One thing that you can learn not to do that may help stop your divorce before you ever get an attorney involved is don't argue. Arguing will only make the situation worse. You can try calling it reasoning or what ever but the truth is you are trying to force them to feel differently than they do. If you are serious and you want to "stop my divorce" then realize that your battle is against your separation, not your spouse. The more you argue with them and try to point out where they are wrong the more they will be wrong in your mind.

Don't try to defend yourself. You may be right, but don't try to convince them of that. Find the truth in their argument and agree with that. The more you can agree with the things they say, the more they will be right. This will only make them see that you are willing to do what you want them to do, see your side of the story. If you are willing to be honest and accept what they are trying to say then they will more likely be open to listening to your side. Marriage counseling is great at helping you understand how to communicate better if you really want to "stop my divorce."

This is only one part of the things that you can do to help when you are wanting someone to help you "stop my divorce". Quit talking about it and start acting on it. Your marriage will only have a chance to survive if you are willing to act.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Relationship Questions You Need To Ask

If you want to fix your relationship, then you need to ask the right question. Relationship repair can be tricky in the best of times, which is why you need to know the right questions, relationship questions, to get the information you need to repair what has been broken.

This is not necessarily an easy thing to do. Most of us won't want to ask these questions, relationship problems or not. This is because the natural human reaction to things is to try and avoid the problem as much as possible.

But relationship problems will not fix themselves. You need to make the effort to fix them, not wait for your ex to magically come around. You are the one who has realized there is a problem, and this means that you have to be the one to do the work to fix it. Whether you like it or not, it's become your responsibility.

Which brings us to the questions. Relationship questions are not easy to ask, but the answers will be worthwhile. This is the information you need to do the work that will bring you back to having a healthy relationship with your girlfriend or boyfriend, husband or wife.

Question One: What Do You Want?

This is a question you need to ask yourself and your significant other. You need to ask yourself because you need to be able to know and articulate what it is you want from your relationship. You need to ask them so that you know that the things you want from the relationship are, if not the same, then at least compatible.

Question Two: What Were Our Best Times?

This is another question designed to get you looking at how the two of you view your relationship. If you both view different times in your relationship as the best times, this will give you a very strong indication of where things went wrong, which is the point of these questions. Relationship is based on knowing what these questions will tell you.

Question Three: What Don't You Like?

Again, this is a question both of you need to ask. This is an area where it is crucial that you don't assign blame or allow your emotions to be hurt. You need to take a full inventory of where you stand and knowing what it bothering both of you is essential.

Question Four: Where are we Heading?

The point of this is question is to see where you both think the relationship should and where it will go. Without knowing this, you won't know how bad the relationship is. If your partner thinks that the relationship is doomed to failure, this is information you need to know.

The point of doing all this is to find the true answers to these questions. Relationship rescue will be much easier when you have this information, because it will give a roadmap of the problems you need to resolve to have a stronger relationship. This is only the beginning, and you should seek out and find the information that will allow you to overcome these problems.





Saturday, April 30, 2011

4 Great Lessons From Relationships Experts

If you’ve read or listened to relationships experts, you know that some of what they say is just common sense. They tell us things we already know, but they’re great at putting it into words and examples that make things easier to understand. The best relationships experts just know how to communicate.

They can take those common sense things and say them in a way that makes you “get it.” Like the concept of what to expect and what to give in a relationship. This is one of the best lessons you can get from relationships experts.

Very often we go along in a relationship and as time goes on we start to take the other person for granted a little bit. We don’t thank them as much, and sometimes we don’t do nice things in return for them quite as much.

It’s not that we don’t want to, but that we simply forget or think there will be time later. After the relationship hit a rocky period and ended and you’ve gotten back together, remember to be thoughtful and kind becomes very important. Relationships experts stress that as a good way to keep a relationship strong.

A second great lesson from the experts is to do what the other person will appreciate. This is another great common sense lesson that’s all too easy to overlook. It applies to anytime during a relationship but after you’ve gotten back together from a break up or other bad patch it’s even more important.

To do what the other person wants doesn’t mean you should never consider yourself. But you should try to do what appeals to them to show them that you care. If it really makes you happy when your boyfriend helps you wash the dishes, then maybe if you helped him with some housework that would make him feel loved, too.

But there may be ways he likes to feel loved that are different. He might be the type of person who likes to hear you say it often, or likes romantic gestures. Even if those things aren’t as important to you, you need to do the things that are special to him.

Sometimes we forget that, or we just assume that everyone responds to the same things. But doing what makes the other person feel most special is easy to do, as long as we remind ourselves to do it.

And a lesson that the experts teach that often goes forgotten is respect. Of course, you respect your boyfriend or girlfriend, but does it always show? This is part of taking them for granted but goes beyond not thanking them or returning loving gestures.

Often, the person we’re closest to gets the brunt our worst days. We might be late for something and keep them waiting, or we might just accidentally be inconsiderate and not apologize enough. Take a lesson from the relationships experts and ask yourself if you treat your partner with the same respect you would treat a parents or co-worker.





7 Top Signs Of Cheating In A Relationship

If you suspect your partner at all, you should look for signs of cheating in a relationship. Usually if you see smoke, a fire is burning somewhere. So if you have doubt in your partner’s fidelity, there’s probably a reason.

Remember that just because you see signs of cheating in a relationship, though, that doesn’t necessarily mean that cheating is going on. Once you’ve seen the signs, you’ll have to look further to determine if cheating is really happening.

And sometimes there are no signs of cheating in a relationship and yet cheating is going on. It’s not an easy position to be in, to have to figure these things out.

The following signs can certainly lead you one direction or another. Don’t make a decision just based on one or even a few of them. But a lot of evidence can certainly let you know that something may be wrong, and you may want to look at little closer.

• Secret cell phone conversations are one of the top signs. If your partner leaves the room every time the cell phone rings, you have to wonder why. Were they taught that’s polite? If they’re at all strange acting about the conversation, you should pay attention.

• Sudden change in hygiene is common when someone is having an affair. If your partner never goes to any special trouble for you to make sure he or she looks and smells good, a change in this could be worrisome. If they’re making themselves nice for you, that’s great. If they’re dolling up to go out, you have to wonder why.

• More arguments can be one of the signs of cheating in a relationship. Particularly if it seems your partner is starting the argument for no reason and then storming out because of it. It could be just an excuse to leave and have some time away from you without having to come up with another excuse.

• Catching your partner in a lie can mean trouble. Even the smallest lie shows that person’s willingness to lie in general. Look for connections between that lie and the possibility of an affair.

• An increase in computer time can be a bad sign. If your partner is spending hours online after you’re in bed or while you’re doing other things, it could be an affair.

• A common sign of cheating is if your friends act strange. They might know something you don’t and feel uncomfortable around you.

• And a painfully common sign of cheating is if your partner accuses you of cheating or hints that he thinks you might be having an affair. Very often, that’s a guilty conscious talking and you’re being accused of the thing that’s causing him or her guilt.

The only way to know for sure is to have real evidence. So remember that even though these are common signs of cheating in a relationship, none of them can be used to prove an affair is occurring.





Thursday, April 28, 2011

Help I Want My Husband Back

Do you tell people, “I want my husband back?” It’s not uncommon to want your husband back after you split up, no matter how back things were when you were together. So before you absolutely decide that yes, “I want my husband back,” you should think long and hard about the way things were before you split up.

Think about why you split up in the first place. Was it your fault, his, or both your faults? Sometimes it’s hard to tell whose fault it was because so many little things seemed to contribute to the break up.

If there’s no obvious reason like one of you had an affair or somehow betrayed the other, then there’ s a better chance that your mantra of, “I want my husband back” will work out!

If there was an affair or a really big and hurtful problem like that, getting back together will be more of a challenge. But you can still do it, if you both want it and you both work hard at it. If you both don’t want it, it’s pretty unlikely that it will happen.

Have you asked your husband if he’s interested in getting back together? Do you even know his feelings about it? You might be surprised to find that while you’re saying, “I want my husband back!” he’s not that desperate to get back into the relationship.

That doesn’t mean that he doesn’t care about you, by the way. Just that something in the relationship wasn’t right for him and he’s no longer afraid to admit that. As bad as that sounds, it doesn’t mean that the relationship can’t be fixed.

If you can get him onboard and willing to try some of these techniques, try reading a book about marriage problems out loud to each other over breakfast or in the evening before bed. If you’re reading it at the same time, then it’s easier for you to discuss what you’ve just read while it’s all fresh on your mind.

Don’t be upset or alarmed if he doesn’t have any interest in going to counseling. While this does make it harder to get your man back, it can still be done. You can go to the counseling on your own and learn the techniques you need to communicate with him properly.

You can teach him these techniques, either overtly (here, let me show you) or covertly, by simply using them every time you interact. Even if he has no interest in learning anything you learned in class, the very act of doing the exercises yourself can give you a sense of power you didn’t have before.

Going to the counseling can make you feel like you have some power in the relationship, and can influence it either for the better or the worse. And since you’re alone with the counselor you can talk about some private issues that bother you, as well. Soon, “I want my husband back” could turn into, “I got my husband back.”





How To Save Your Relationship After Adultery

After adultery a relationship is the weakest it's ever likely to be, but this can be a good thing. This sounds like it is hard to believe, but the truth is that the time after adultery is also the time that can make or break a relationship, which can be a huge opportunity.

Nobody likes to be cheated on. Nobody should be cheated on. But cheating isn't the problem, it's the symptom. There is always a bigger problem underlying the infidelity and if there's anything good to come after adultery, it's knowing that there is a problem that you need to address.

The time when a relationship is at its weakest is also the best time to do the work that will bring it to being its strongest. There's an idea in the military that you need to tear a person down so that you can build them back up, strong than they ever were before, and this is true in relationships as well.

After adultery what your relationships needs is a complete overhaul. This isn't optional, because if you try to just go back to the way things were, then what you'll find is that history will just repeat itself. You need to start over and build things back up from the bottom. Tear it down to bring it back stronger than it was before.

The first thing you need to do is spend some time apart. This may seem counter intuitive since you're dealing with an after adultery situation, when the urge might be to not let your partner out of your sight for a single second. But the time apart will allow you to see your relationship from a different angle, and this perspective will be important for the relationship repair process.

The next thing you need to do is to figure out exactly what the problem was, and the answer to this question is not 'they were sleeping with someone else'. You need to find the deep down problem that was behind the infidelity, and you need to do something about the problem.

After you've done those two things, it's time for you to start the relationship over. The key part is to do it from the beginning. Go on dates again. Start over just as if you were dating somebody else. You need to treat this as a new relationship because if you want to repair your relationship after adultery, then it has to be a new relationship.

Although you're being building a new relationship after adultery, you do need to keep in mind the problems that made all this necessary. The idea here isn't to have the same relationship you had before, the idea is to have a better one, and this means you need to avoid making the same mistakes.

Rebuilding a relationship after adultery will be hard, but it will also be one of the most worthwhile things you can. Remember, there is help available out there, and seeking it out one of the best things you can do for your relationship.






Saturday, January 15, 2011

Tips On Ways To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back

You may be feeling totally helpless when trying to find ways to get your ex boyfriend back. A breakup leaves you with feelings that can be devastating. These include feelings of anger and loneliness as well as others, all of which can be incapacitating if you let it. If you truly think that he would come back to you and that there is still a chance, then there are some things that you can do. These steps will help you to work and win him back.

The first step among the ways to get your ex boyfriend back is a little bit unconventional, and that is to mourn over the breakup. Many studies have shown that the loss felt over a breakup can have the same effect as the death of a loved one. Grieving and morning the breakup is a healthy and natural was to start to recover. Make sure to eat well and keep up with sleep exercise. Friends will also provide an important support structure.

Once you are in a place where thoughts run clear, you can take the time to evaluate exactly where things went wrong and why the breakup occurred. First of all, you need to ask if you want to get back together or if need to move on. Getting back together means that you should try and understand why things happened. Understand that in a breakup, both parties have some fault. Knowing what happened is important when it comes to successfully implementing the ways to get your ex boyfriend back.

Once you have identified the problem at the center of the breakup, you can spend the time to workout the problem and solve it. It could be that you need to change, understand where he is coming from and adapt to him. It may even be the case that you need to accept his many bad qualities. There may also be a strong dividing force over a strong issue. No matter what happened, issues can be worked out and people can move on.

The next step among the ways to get your ex boyfriend back is to satiate your boyfriend's ego. Typically, men have a larger ego, and this can get hurt when a breakup occurs. After a failure, their confidence will suffer and will need a boost in order to have things move along. This will require that you apologize and take some of the blame away from them.

There are many ways to get your ex boyfriend back after a rough breakup. What it will take is for you to first mourn your breakup, and then evaluate why the breakup occurred. Once you have discovered the issue, you can start to address it and solve things. You should not try to change you ex boyfriend, as a break up will leave him in a weakened state as well. Instead, your focus should be on yourself. This is the sure fired way in winning their love in return and being able to restart your broken relationship.





Friday, January 14, 2011

9 Ways To Get Ex Back Hating You

So you want to know ways to get ex back in love with you? Be careful what actions you take in your efforts to get ex back. If you aren’t careful you may find more ways to get ex back hating you instead of loving you. Here are ways to get ex back hating you. If you don’t want your ex to hate you then DO NOT do these things.

Call them several times a day. This will bug them like crazy and may cause them to block your number. You can always get more numbers, though. Disposable phones and using friend’s cell phones are easy ways to get this done.

Keep writing them and letting them know how much you miss them. Letters, Emails, and Text Messages can hit them from several directions. Leave notes on their windshield. This is a great way to get their attention (and wrath).

Remind them frequently of things that they said and promises they made. Who says that things have to change? They said it once, so they must have meant it forever and just forgot. Constantly remind them. You will only be reminding them how good an idea it was to leave you.

Follow/Stalk them and let them know that every minute they live, you are right there. Every single breathe they take, you’ll be watching them. Be sure to grin whenever they see you. They will think your crazy and you may scare them. Be ready for the restraining order.

Bother their friends. Ask them constantly how they are doing and see if you can find out where they are going to be. Try to go everywhere that the friends are. Most likely they will be trying to get rid of you.

Call their new love interest and let the new flame know that you are the real love and it is only a matter of time before your ways to get ex back works. More than likely you will end up making both of them hate you and they could end up becoming closer because of the harassing you do.

Call their parents and try to be their parent’s best friend. You will only get the parents mad at you as well or drive a wedge between your ex and his parents. Either way, you have given your ex more reason to hate you.

Try dating their best friend. Your efforts to make them jealous may end up ruining another of their relationships. Sooner or later the best friend will realize that you are just using them and you will be alone again.

Call their workplace and ask about him or ask to talk to him. That will be a great way to get your ex back hating you, especially if it costs them their job.

There are ways to get ex back in love with you but get help and find out what things work. Be careful who you try to get help from. If they have a successful, long lasting romance or are trained at giving relationship advice, then they are good to get help from. If they have had a lot of short term relationships they may not be the best one to get help from. Follow your heart if you want to get ex back, but be careful what you do. Not all ways to get ex back that come to you naturally will make them love you again.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Does Conflict Affect Men More Codependent Relationship Psychology?

In trying to overcome conflicts in a codependent relationship, psychology may help us understand why men and women react differently. If you are dating or in a marriage, there are going to be arguments from time to time. What can make things worse is if the two people's ways of dealing with conflict cause them to make things worse. Many marriages have turned to marriage counselors and those who aren't married will still seek out relationship advice. Most counseling will help you realize some things that may help each understand the difference between normal relationships and codependent relationships and how the other party thinks.

There was a study funded by the National Institute of Mental Health which showed that most couples who had been together for only a couple of months between the ages of 18 and 21 avoidedintimacy and being dependent on their other half. They also showed levels of anxiety concerning being rejected or abandoned. Those tested all exhibited different degrees of the anxiety over being abandoned. Of course those who were more secure in themselves had lower levels and others, depending on how they dealt with anxiety and thought about abandonment, reacted differently as well.

What was interesting in the testing was how differently the results were in both men and women. The ones researching relationship psychology using these subjects found that in their physiological reaction to relationship conflict, the reaction in men was more easily noticeable. Most of the reaction was increased anxiety for the majority of men while only those women who are the more avoidant types showed any real changes.

Women are more likely to want to guide a conversation in trying to resolve conflict in a relationship. Psychology shows them to be, in this situation, the ones actively working to get the situation resolved. While they were showing increased levels of cortisol before and during the confrontation, the levels dropped significantly. They showed that getting the conflict over quickly was more physiologically satisfying.

Men, however, showed to be more passive in conflict resolution. While there was evidence that they, too, wanted the conflict to be resolved they weren't anxious to confront the conflict head on. Those men who had female partners who were more secure showed lower levels of anxiety. Women showed no change in their levels of anxiety whether their male counterpart was secure or not.

When you seek out relationship and codependent relationship advice, whether you go to family therapy or psychologists, they are going to try to help you understand how men and women react differently. The above research on studying the effects of conflict in men and women will help you know why the react the way that they do in the relationship. Psychology and physiological research will help you deal with conflict better.





Wednesday, January 12, 2011

With A Strong Relationship Depression Can Be Beat





The only thing worse than going through depression is being in a codependent relationship with someone who is showing signs of relationship depression. It is difficult to watch them go through this dark period of life. Many relationships end because of it because there doesn't seem to be any end to it and it begins to wear on both people in the relationship.

Depression makes people think irrationally and causes them to be blind to the good things in life, like you. They will make you feel like everything you do to try and make their world a little better is a wasted effort. It isn't, though.

The fact that you are there beside them means more to them than you will ever realize. They wouldn't blame you for leaving and will sometimes try and make the decision easier for you. They don't really want you to leave, though. They want you to be with them and help if you can.

The first thing that you can do to help them deal with their depression is to understand it. Educate yourself about this mental disorder. Seek out to find what causes it. It could be because they lost a job or did something that brought on a feeling of failure. There are many reasons that it could have started but one thing is certain, even if you are in a strong relationship, depression, once it has begun can snowball.

You will need to make sure that you take care of yourself in this relationship. Depression, gone unchecked, can be contagious. When you are learning about depression make sure that you are watching for signs that you may be exhibiting. If you are then you should be quick in seeking help from psychologists or counselors. Once both of you start falling into depression it may be impossible for either of you to see the light of day. When you start getting worn down because of the weight of it all try and take some time to step back away from it and take care

A past relationship and depression sometimes go hand in hand. When a relationship has failed it is easy to feel like every relationship after that is doomed to fail. Once someone begins feeling that way they will many times turn their current relationships in to a failed one. If this has begun to happen it is important to get relationship advice from marriage counselors and work with them to prevent it. This is not the only reason that marriages or dating relationships fail while one is in depression. Just the strain will cause it to suffer. Seek relationship advice from trained professionals as much as possible.

Above all, do not give up. Believe that you can help them overcome their depression and believe that the effort you are making matters. There are few things more powerful than what can come from a strong relationship. Depression is a tough foe but it can be beaten when the one you love has you to depend on. With a strong relationship depression can be beat.